That I’m not any better at MS Paint than my husband is… and I get just as bored at work.
Happy Holidays and all that jazz:
My Green Gables Moment March 31, 2011
… at 11:30 pm as I was trying to find sleep.
You ever have one of those nights? The kind where you lay in bed awake because your mind is going a million miles a minute? It was definitely one of those nights for me. I had been talking with a friend earlier in the day about how I missed living near mountains. It got me thinking about where I want to be and what I want to be doing. As many of you know from reading this blog, I do aspire to be a writer. Since starting work a year ago, I really haven’t had much time to delve into my creative processes. I mean, I want to be a fantasy writer. That means I need to know my world, my magic system, and my characters inside and out. I simply don’t have that creative energy right now, but I don’t want to wait until I do to resume my writing.
That’s what got me thinking of Anne of Green Gables. Over the last weekend, I invited my mom over to watch the Green Gables miniseries pack that I bought on DVD. There was a lot of nostalgia and tears and we really enjoyed it. In the second miniseries, which is based on L. M. Montgomery’s Anne of Avonlea (or Anne of the Island - I don’t quite remember), Anne receives her first rejection letter for a manuscript that she had submitted for publication. She stumbles upon Gilbert Blythe and he coerces her into showing him the rejection letter. Later, after a certain episode concerning baking powder, Gil tells Anne that she’d be better off writing about things she knows, in common English. He tells her that she should write of Avonlea. She does and is published.
So I started thinking last night about writing something that I know. I don’t have to create a world if it’s real. I don’t have to develop characters if they’re real. I’m not saying it’s easier, but it would be a more manageable way to write while working full-time.
Then I realized that taking that literally and fictionalizing my own childhood wouldn’t really work. I mean, growing up in the 80′s doesn’t exactly have the same kind of charm as growing up in the countryside of an island in the Maritime. I then asked myself, Does it need to be fiction?
So, what do I know?
Lately, my mind has been on weight loss. Many of you read the other blog that I share with my husband, which is chronicling our weight loss journey. It’s been really good for me as I talk about some of the day-to-day (or week to week) struggles of weight loss. However, in my frenzied thoughts last night as I tried to find sleep, I realized that there’s so much more to weight loss than the journey at the end. I’ve had a relationship with my weight from my earliest childhood that has shaped my perception of myself.
Does anybody care?
It doesn’t matter. Writing this is going to help me in numerous ways. Firstly, it’s going to get me writing again, without having to invest as much creativity (which is at an all-time low) into it. Secondly, it will be immensely cathartic. I hadn’t realized until last night just how much my weight (both lack or excess of) is tied deeply into my self-image and how I approach things. Finally, it will help me on my current (and final) weight loss attempt.
It will probably never be published. In fact, it will probably never be read by anyone except my husband and my mother, because the love me and they have to. It doesn’t matter if no one else finds it interesting, inspiring or otherwise mind-opening. It just has to be written.
When I was a young girl of eight or nine, I remember watching an after-school special with my sister. I don’t remember the name and I don’t remember the story. What I remember most is that a younger sister got mad at her older sister and called her “thunder thighs”. My immediate response was, “I wish I had thunder thighs!”
My relationship with my weight is neither simple nor complicated. But it is old, as old as I am in fact. I was a child who not only never put on any baby fat to lose, but also yearned to be more than skin and bones. I was so self-conscious about my lack of any weight that I could never have imagined weighing 325 pounds as an adult.
But I did.
OMG a Gaming Post From Fyn! March 9, 2011
I have a weight loss blog and a writing blog (this one) but I have never started a gaming blog because I never (and I mean NEVER) blog about gaming, even though I’ve been a gamer of one type or other for over a decade. And since it very well may be the case that I never blog about gaming again, I’ve decided to do this one here.
Let me preface this by stating that I am neither in the hardcore World of Warcraft camp, nor the hardcore RIFT camp. I enjoy both games for different reasons and play them both, although I will admit that I play WoW more since that’s where most of my friends play and I have established characters and resources that help me support my altaholism.
One of the things that I particularly like when I play RIFT is all of the events. It provides a break from the questing/gathering grinds.
The problem with RIFT? I like the rift events a little too much.
Story time!
This last weekend my husband and I worked hard moving everything out of our bedroom and shampooing carpets (yes, I’m getting to the point) in preparation for the delivery of some new bedroom furniture. We worked HARD. And we really deserved a break. I played around in WoW for a little while, but didn’t have anything to do that appealed to me. It all felt grindy and that’s not what I wanted. So, since I didn’t want a straight grind, I switched to RIFT to play a level 10ish Guardian Rogue that I had been enjoying.
My luck was in! It was a very active night for rifts and invasion events. I had a blast chaining between rifts and killing invading commanders. I racked up so much planarite that my husband was jealous. Next thing I knew, my clock said it was 2:30 am. My normal “off the computer” time is 9:30 to 10:30 pm. sometimes I’ll stay on until 11:00 if it’s a weekend and I’m just in the groove. Three and half hours later than that? Um, yeah…
Which led me to think about gaming in general and what really pulls us in. What really drives us to play? What causes us to lose track of time? What can lead to the always denied, but always feared, addiction? It boils down to this one question:
Could RIFT be more addictive than WoW?
Oh, in WoW you can chain heroics or chain battlegrounds. You can definitely get caught up in something and lose track of time. The nature of the events in RIFT, though, have a very different feel to them. In WoW, you know that there will be a dungeon to run or a battleground to queue for, regardless of when you’re on. With RIFT, those events have a “do it now, because it’s about to go away” feel. If you don’t drop what you’re doing and run over, you could miss the rift (and the rewards) entirely. When the rifts combine with the invasions in the same area? Knock it out, grab the rewards and follow the pack to the next loot filled rift. It can get absolutely insane and fun and I completely lose track of how many I’ve actually done.
It’s the same mentality that retails stores exploit to get you to spend money. Limited time only! Quantities limited! Hurry in now for the best deals EVAR!
You know what I’m talking about.
Yeah, I know that there will be rifts going on somewhere any time I log into the game. It is, after all, called RIFT for a reason. But do I want to bank on the rapid spawning that’s happening now to be there later? Is it going to be as good? Because these are the best rifts EVAR!
And I’m not necessarily saying this is a bad thing. It’s an engaging game, which is what so many of us want. Change my world with no warning, please! Give me something to jump up and respond to when I’m tired of killing mobs!
I am saying that it’s something to be aware of, especially if you’re predisposed to addictive behaviours. I had a blast, but it jacked with my sleep schedule for days. I can’t let myself get pulled in so much so late at night.
But it sure was fun!
The eBook Debate January 27, 2011
A friend of mine started a discussion on twitter yesterday with the following statement:
“Never really understood people who resist e-readers because they’ll “miss the smell/feel/texture/etc. of paper books”. To me, that’s like longing for the heft and texture of a VHS tape in a world of Blu-ray/DVDs”
This got me thinking about my own preference and why it exists. In fact, as I thought more on it, I realized that my response would take a lot more than twitter’s 140 character limit to convey. Make no mistake about it: It is a preference. I don’t think it’s fair to compare it to the transition from VHS to Blu-ray/DVD. Everything about a Blu-ray disc is very obviously better than a VHS tape. While the movie is the same story, same acting, etc, the experience itself is actually enhanced with better picture, sound and features. Not to mention the fact that you don’t have to rewind! This example is a clear upgrade and I believe that there are few people who still use VHS tapes.
The eBook vs physical book debate is a lot less clear-cut. My intention with this post is not to inflame one side or the other. As I said, the medium one uses to read is a much more personal preference than whether one moves on to clearly advanced technology and how quickly they do it. So first, I want to explore my own preference and identify why I feel the way I do.
When I was a small child, my dad used to read to my older brother from the Chronicles of Narnia. I was a bit jealous that I was left out (I was only four years old) but I knew that eventually I would be able to hear those stories too. When I finally sat curled up beside my mother as she read those same books to me I was ecstatic. I got so lost in the story, my imagination filling in what I didn’t see on the cover. That book held magic for me. We moved on from one series to another and every new volume, showed me an image to start my imagination going. I could sit on the floor, staring at the picture on the cover as my mother’s voice told me the story.
I think that’s where having the physical book started to matter to me. Yes, you can view cover art on an eReader, but not while you’re reading the book. A child can’t sit at your feet and be inspired by it as you read to them. You don’t see it on your nightstand and reach for it as if summoned by a siren call. I select books from my library by scanning across the the often well-creased spines. Sometimes I just want a comfortable old favorite. Other times, I’m looking for one I’ve read once and may like to read again. I can’t see that on my eReader (yes, I do have one). For me, selecting a new (or old) book to read is a very physical experience.
I suppose what I am trying to say is that, for me, content is not everything. Not even close. I can read the same book on my eReader or on bound paper in my hand and it is actually the same book. My experience, in not just reading the book but choosing it as well, is different with a physical book. I can’t pretend that it isn’t. It’s not some inexplicable obsession with the feel of the paper (although I do like that) or even the scent of a freshly printed, never been read before volume (which is distinct). It’s the fact that for me, the experience of reading a physical book stays with me longer because I’m not just engaging my imagination. I’m creating other sensory memories to link and coincide with what I read.
Here’s a perfect example of what I mean:
I was in Jr High when I first started to develop my musical tastes. We had an incredible AM radio station that was my favorite. They called themselves “Arizona’s Only Alternative”, which was true during that time. They played early 90′s alternative as well as 80′s. I used to listen to it all of the time that I was in my room, even when I was reading. To this day, when I hear The Cure’s “Friday, I’m in Love” I remember scenes from L.M. Montgomery’s Anne of Windy Poplars. Why? Certainly not cause they’re at all intellectually related. It’s because I created that memory.
It’s been said that the number of senses you engage in creating a memory has an effect on how long that memory stays with you. I suppose that’s what it boils down to for me. Reading a physical book has more distinctions that my senses register than reading a digital version. There is the feel of the paper, but also the visual differences in images and type. There is the heft of the book; the feel of it as the weight shifts from my right hand to my left, the thickness of what I’ve read increasing as my interest in the story does. The feeling of only a few chapters left that encourages me to stay up and finish it instead of putting it away.
Reading is definitely a physical experience for me. The story may be exactly the same, but my experience with it changes with these subtle nuances. I’m more easily lost in the story if I don’t have to click a button to load the next page. Are the words different? No. Do I enjoy it more? Absolutely.
Oh, I know there are many benefits to using an eReader and I can understand the appeal. A wide selection of books are available, even some that are out of print. You can order a book and within moments it is downloaded to your device. It can even be a more economical (and ecological) choice, especially for those who use an eReader app on their smart phone or tablet rather than a dedicated device. There is also the matter of being a space saver. You don’t exactly have to have a bookcase for your eBooks. For a more analytical, logical mind than mine, it simply doesn’t make sense to read/collect physical books anymore. For them it’s a clear upgrade. I can very easily see why it’s gaining in popularity.
It’s just not for me. It’s not worth giving up those things that matter to me while reading, those nuances that enhance my experience. The trouble is that I know that eventually, I will have to use my eReader to read anything. We already see major bookstores struggling. What happens when it becomes too expensive or bothersome to publish to print? Experts are already noticing and commenting on the trend towards self-publishing with eBooks. The downfall of the physical book is inevitable. I suppose in this one way, it will be like my friend’s example of VHS. The part that makes me sad, is that while there is nothing wrong with the new technology, there is also not necessarily anything better about it. It may be more convenient than my preferred method of reading, but it comes no where close to enhancing my experience the way a physical book can.
But, again… that’s my preference and not necessarily yours.
You May Have Noticed October 28, 2010
I have removed the rough draft that had previously been posted here. I left everything I had said about my experiences and struggles during the time that I was working on NaNoWriMo last year. Now that I will be working on the manuscript (and making a lot of changes) I have decided to remove it in the interest of eventually (hopefully!) trying to submit the final version I end up with for publication. As such, I need to start treating it as intellectual property and refrain from sharing it with all of you. Which, of course, makes me sad.
So it’s been a while… October 20, 2010
I don’t know if it’s all the chatter about NaNoWriMo that’s got me thinking about writing again or not, but I’m glad that I am. I really enjoyed the writing that I did last year, but I hadn’t expected to burn out so fast. Or take so long to come back to it.
At first, I just needed a break. To go from no recent writing experience to over 20,000 words in two weeks strained me more than I thought it would. I loved it, I got submerged in it, but I also experienced a world of stress with it. Am I proud of what I did accomplish? Yes. Has is taken me too long to get back to it? Definitely.
It’s easy to get caught up in life. When 2010 rolled around, I hadn’t planned on working full-time. I certainly hadn’t planned on working as much overtime either. But that’s where I am now. I believe I’ve adjusted. I believe that I’m regaining the energy I need to write. Make no mistake about that. Writing takes energy. The more emotionally involved you are in a project, the more you need. Coming home from work both physically and mentally exhausted absolutely killed any desire I had to write.
Am I ready to start setting aside time just for writing? I don’t know, but I’d like to try. Last year, I just started writing. I had no outline, I had no plan, I didn’t even have characters. All I had was the beginning of a scene in the woods. I wrote completely off the cuff with no editing, no analyzing where my story was going, no defined magic system or world. It was freeing, but it’s also not the way to get things done. I became overwhelmed by my own story. I stopped in the middle of a piece of lore because I wasn’t sure what my history was. It was good for me, but it was completely unorganized.
I don’t think I have time to write right now. I’m still working late most nights and I am tired at the end of the day. I won’t be participating in NaNoWriMo this year. I just can’t commit enough of myself to it. What I can do is take what I wrote last year and start working with it, organizing it, refining it into something that has promise. There will likely be some plot changes, plenty of editing, removing of annoying accents and an overall overhaul. All of this I can at least do with a few stolen moments at work. Maybe I’ll even have time to rewrite or add passages on the weekend.
I don’t want to be overwhelmed by this, but I can’t let it sit any longer.
Caught Up – 20,204 words total November 12, 2009
Today was another tough day. I think that I’m coming to a point in my writing where I either need to plan or I need to get away from it for a few days. Today’s writing brings me officially on track with the #NaNo wordcount. I’m pleased about that. I am not pleased with how much I seem to be struggling to write. I feel like my story is taking shape and getting out of hand at the same time. Perhaps 20,000 words is a good time for a read through… remind myself what I’ve written so that I can get back into the flow.
Here’s to hoping for a better segment tomorrow:
Accents and Acceptance November 11, 2009
Today was a little tough. I still managed to hit my goal (barely) with 4,000 words, but it was draining. Especially the last 1,000 words or so. I was fighting my inner editor the whole way. First off, when I went back to edit in an accent for Maghda I realized that I wasn’t being consistent with my use of accents. Instead of mangling things further or spending my writing time glancing up to see if I forgot to use an accent, I’ve decided to drop the accents until I can make a final decision when I start revisions. And since I made this decision part way through the segment below, you’ll just have to excuse my abrupt dropping of the accent.
My inner editor is pretty pesky. During my last 1,000 words today, I had to constantly fight the urge to think about what I was doing. I introduced an element I really had not planned on and my obsessive side kept on asking, “Is this going to fit? Are you sure?” My story has reached the point where it is starting to try to go off in another direction, or at least add in ideas that I hadn’t thought of. It’s not such a bad thing because it adds dimension, but it does cause heart palpitations for my obsessive little inner editor.
Probably some of my roughest writing so far, so please bear with me. Revisions will come soon enough.
A Teacher November 11, 2009
I was hoping for more writing this morning, but it just wasn’t happening. I know that I have an easier time writing in the afternoon as well as a larger portion of uninterrupted time. 1,260 words still isn’t bad for an hour of concentrated writing though.
Here’s my morning writing post. Don’t forget to look for more later.
New Blog Style November 10, 2009
Love it? Hate it? Hate it, but easier to read? Let me know what you think here! I really wish I were smart enough to build a theme that combined all of the things I like.
